Breaching the Screen: Vol 1
by Capt. Incredible
Summary: Finished! A series of short, humorous stories that throw a bit of reality into the Baldur's Gate 2 Universe. A second volume pending, should enough good ideas arise or be contributed...
1. Liches and Summons

_Liches and Summons_

The dust and dirt covered tomb was chilling to both the spirit and the flesh as the adventurers huddled in the corner, talking and finalizing their battle plan for the monstrous foe they were about to face. Khan, the Bhaalspawn leader of the party and paladin glanced back at the sarcophagus that lay behind them, only accessible by a stairway on either side. Statues of death encircled the hall; it was not a welcoming sight. They had found this tomb in the Bridge District of the city; one would think someone would have noticed the door that was never opened and had a deadly trap on it after a while, especially in a city run by Shadow Thieves... but it seemed they were the first to have actually tried the door.

Still, Jaheira noted, Khan didn't seem worried. He never did, oddly enough. And the plans he would come up with were some of the most ridiculous sounding things in the world... and yet they always seemed to work. Khan took one last glance backwards, then laced up the Boots of Speed he was wearing.

"All right, everyone... here's the plan. I run over there and open the sarcophagus, then run back."

Everyone nodded, waiting for him to finish... "And then?" Imoen prodded. "I mean, we all know it's going to be a lich in the spooky tomb. Do we attack right away, cast spells and protections..."

"Nope. I come back here and we wait."

"But the lich will surely see you and give chase as soon as his rest is disturbed..." Keldorn frowned.

"No. He won't even know we're here. Once he wakes up and dosen't see anybody in front of him, he'll stay right there."

"But all he has to do his look over his shoulder and he'll see us." Imoen protested.

"Just trust me on this... he won't. "

"Why not?"

Khan sighed. "Because the lich can't see that far, all right? He can only see about half the screen, we're on the other half, okay?"

"Screen? What does our friend Khan mean by this... screen?" Minsc frowned.

Khan mentally cursed. "Er... nothing. Just wait here, okay?"

Khan darted off in a blur toward the sarcophagus, racing up the stairs and skidding to a halt beside the black stone tomb. With a quick touch, the tomb cover seemed to slide off, revealing as expected, the magics and bones of a lich. As soon as he had done so, the paladin raced back toward the party, the lich already beginning to materialize at the tomb. The lich howled, its empty eye sockets searching out the area in front of him... "_Despair mortals, for you have disturb... eh? Nobody here- what the hell? You've got to be kidding me... Damn teenagers again, probably..."_

The confused grunts and mutterings of the lich faintly echoed back to the party as they all crouched there, staring at it nervously. "Everything's going according to plan." Khan said confidently.

"What? How is this according to plan?" Jaheira whispered harshly.

"Just trust me." Khan rolled his eyes. "We'll attack in just a few seconds."

Minsc's face spread in a huge grin as he stood, preparing to raise his sword and charge, but Khan's arm quickly pulled him back down. "Not yet, Minsc... Imoen, I need you to summon something."

"A summoning?" she frowned. "Okay, I think I have a summon Djinni, but that's as powerful as it gets."

"No... don't bother. Monster Summoning I will be fine."

Everyone stared at Khan with more than a hint of incredulity. "Monster Summoning I? You know that'll bring... like, a Ghast, or maybe a wolf, right?"

Khan nodded, shrugging with growing irritation. "Of course."

The lich was still glancing back and forth, taking in the different sights and surroundings. It had been an awful long time since he was disturbed... but he was rather expecting some sort of action. Some battle or poor insignificant mortal to crush in exchange for opening the sarcophagus. Suddenly, the sound of moanings and growls caught his ear. He whirled his head, searching in the darkness... a ghast was shambling towards him. The lich smiled; finally, the battle he had been awaiting! Surely this ghast had been the one to disturb his rest...

The six adventurers cringed in the corner as they heard the sounds of numerous spells igniting off on the other side of the room: Time Stop, Mislead, Protection from Magic Weapons, Fireballs, Horrid Wiltings, Meteor Swarms, Gates, Sunfires, Symbols of Fear, Stun, Power Words and True Sights... all aimed at the single Ghast they had sent into battle. Imoen shielded her head as she felt another explosion shake the room. She almost felt sorry for the little guy. Part of her wondered why the lich was using so many spells of power against the one ghast they had sent; a few magic missiles would have done the trick just as well. Finally, as the rumblings and explosions ceased, Khan looked at the others and nodded, drawing his sword.

The lich was breathing heavily, staring down at the remnants of its foe, even as the last of his own summoned protections faded away. The lich felt a certain sense of smug satisfaction as he tried to catch his breath; he had used his most powerful spells and protections on the ghast; it had never gotten close enough to attack. _"Hurmm... let that be a lesson to all who dare attack me!"_

The sound of a battle cry saying something about butt-kicking caught his ears; he turned and saw six heavily armed and experienced adventurers charging towards him. The lich glanced back down at the single, solitary, pathetically weak ghast he had exhausted all of his most powerful, potent, incapacitating and deadly spells on. The lich did a quick mental inventory of what spells he had left... Magic Missile and Ghoul Touch.

"_Crap."_


	2. Take a Number

Take A Number

Despite the darkness that surrounded them physically, the spirits of the adventurers could not have been higher as they made their way out of the graveyard crypts. Khan and the rest of the party had just finished an excursion into the caverns and tombs below the Graveyard District, searching out the last few hundred gold they needed before taking off to rescue Imoen. They had done a number of quests here and there, and would soon be heading out after their missing companion. No more dungeon crawling, no more traveling dozens of miles to perform some rescue or battle... their logbook was empty, and they were on their way.

Khan couldn't keep a contented smile off his face as they turned the last corner before reaching the stair that headed back toward the surface world. Aerie and Yoshimo were beside him, the two chatting a bit about their recent battles. In truth, they had been down in the crypts far longer than desired. At least four days; thanks to the energy draining powers of the wraiths and vampires they had killed, rest had been quite necessary and often repeatedly. It had been far too long since they had spied the outside world; Khan quickened his own pace, surging ahead of the thief and cleric as he hit the stairway, almost sprinting up as his head broke the surface of the tomb and entered the fresh, free air once more-

What the party could see of Khan's body jolted, and in a split-second he was descending the stairs again; this time headed the opposite direction with a look of hesitant disbelief. Aerie and Yoshimo frowned, Jaheira pursing her lips. "Tell me, Khan... did you forget what we're doing? The exit is right behind you; we have enough gold, there is no need to return to the crypts."

"No... no, I understand." he forced a smile. "There are three exits to this crypt, right?"

Keldorn thought for a moment and said, "Yes... I suppose there are. Why do you ask? We are already at this one."

"I just... uh, I think we should take a different one, that's all." Khan muttered as he waved the group back into the crypts, the others following in confusion. Khan seemed to breathe a sigh of relief the further they got away from the exit, though he did not say anything to explain his somewhat curious behavior. Keldorn glanced back toward the exit they were leaving behind; he could have sworn he heard noise coming from the outside world, almost like a low clamor, the murmuring of words too low to be made out... but he shook his head and continued to follow Khan. The path leading to the second of the exits to the outside world was not terribly long; they reached the exit within the hour. Minsc headed straight towards it, particularly eager to leave the crypts since their food supply had run out while underground; the ranger was more than a little hungry.

A chill hit Khan's body as he considered a rather frightening possiblity; taking Minsc by the arm, he stopped the ranger. "Just a second, Minsc... I want to check something out real quick."

The ranger shrugged and let Khan creep up the stairs, much slower than he had the first time, all the members of his party still in utter confusion at his actions. Khan's eyes slowly rose above the level where he could see out...

Khan ducked back inside with a curse of disbelief. Darting back to the others, he looked at Keldorn again frantically. "Third exit?"

"Over in the south eastern corner of the tomb, what-"

"No time to explain now." Khan cut him off, moving quickly enough it was all the others could do to keep up, much less inquire as to why they had spurned their second chance of leaving the underground tombs. Khan's face was lined with worry and sweat, a hint of fear in his eyes as he ran. _Impossible... they found us. They found us!! How could they track us down? And know where we were? These fiends will stop at nothing to get us all... I can't let them catch us. We have to escape, somehow... somehow without them seeing us. The second they do... no matter where we go or how we hide, they'll take us. And we won't be able to do a damn thing. We'll never rescue Imoen in time if they catch us. One at a time, we could probably handle them... but so many, all at once? Torm help us. _

"Did you hear me, Khan? Are you even listening to me?!"

Jaheira's annoyed tone shocked Khan back into reality, the paladin turning to face the irate druid and the admittedly confused rest of the party. "What do you think you're doing, leading us around in circles like this? Have you lost your senses?"

"Don't worry; I've got it under control." Khan assured. "We'll be out soon enough; the third exit is just ahead. We'll take that way."

Khan gestured towards the third exit, the others finally breathing a sigh of relief as they started to head out... until a still suspicious Khan darted in front of them again and said, "Er... hold on just one more moment."

"Khan!!" the irritated cries and exasperated groans of his party barely registered as the paladin snuck over to the door, opened it ever so slowly and peeked his head out... before slamming it shut and slapping his forehead with disbelief.

"It's impossible." Khan groaned in horror to himself. "How could they know? All of them, waiting for us, exactly where we'd come back out? I don't understand..."

"You're not the only one who doesn't understand." Jaheira snapped. "Khan, whatever game you're playing... enough. We're leaving. Now."

"It's not a game, it's for our protection!" Khan pleaded, now being forced to follow the other five as they headed for the door he had just shut. "Trust me, you don't want to go out there, there's way too many of them!"

"Too many of what?" Minsc frowned as they swung the door open wide...

A roar of recognition sounded through the air as a horde of people came running towards the shocked party all at once, enclosing in around them and preventing any further retreat into the crypts.

"Hey! Hey, my Uncle Gaelan has a message for you! You need to meet him at his house in the Slums-"

"My mistress has a message for you... she says if you desire to save much gold and save your friend, meet her in the Graveyards at night-"

"Oy! Higgold says he needs you to come to the Five Flagons straight away, something about the play being cursed-"

"You... you look like warriors, my village in the Umar Hills is in trouble-"

"Hold! Let Harper justice take its rightful course-"

"My Lords! Lord Roenall and his forces have been sighted moving towards the De'Arnise Keep-"

"Aerie? Is that you? I have a message from your Uncle Quayle, something about a friend of his named Raelis Shai-"

"What the-" Jaheira whirled back and forth, recoiling from the numerous people clawing and grabbing for their attention.

"I told you so." Khan cursed disgustedly as he looked on, watching Yoshimo furiously write down each of their new quests in their previously empty logbook. "Damn game-time clock..."


	3. HIIYAHH! The Party Hates that Stuff

_HIIYAHH! The Party Hates That Stuff_

For some, the everyday routine was a boring cycle, consisting of daily tasks ranging from the surprisingly amusing to the dreadfully mundane. Leaving the house in the morning, coming to school or work, putting in the time and then heading back to the house so as to get rested and do it all over again. Not the most adrenaline charged activity, to be certain. For Khan and his party though... the everyday routine was anything but boring. Khan brushed the sweat from his face as he peered around the corner, narrowing his eyes at the approaching party of men and orcs. Firkraag wanted their attention, and he had it. Still, an experienced party like Khan's would find this battle little problem.

The paladin turned to the men and women with him for a moment before the full battle ensued. "Get ready, just like always... Minsc, you and Jaheira are with me in the front. Aerie, you stay back with Keldorn and let him protect you while you spellcast. Haer'Dalis, keep a balance between aiding Keldorn and fighting at the fore. Yoshimo, use your bow to disrupt any enemy wizards."

Nods of agreement met his gaze and with a roar, Khan burst out with the rest of the party, charging into battle and meeting their enemies head-on. Steel met steel and the noises of battle enveloped them all as time seemed to slow, Khan glancing back and forth. He could not help but smile as the group moved and functioned as one; Minsc, Jaheira, and himself all fighting and anticipating each other's moves, not wasting any strokes or leaving one another exposed, but inexorably pushing forward.

Aerie struck a beautiful balance of aiding her allies and decimating the enemy ranks, her clerical and wizardly magics making her a one woman dynamo of magic while Keldorn never strayed far from her side, taking out any who managed to slip past the three main fighters. Haer'Dalis danced back and forth between the front lines and Aerie's side, his flashy style both aggravating and deadly as he played cat and mouse, drawing in enemies before revealing his deadly skill.

Yoshimo's bow twanged again and again, each deadly missile streaking past the party members with ease and striking the magic users brought against them-

_Wait a second._ Khan frowned as he continued swinging back and forth, the numbers of their enemies rapidly thinning even as his brow furrowed in thought. _Something's... not right. The balance is wrong... Minsc, Jaheira, me, we're all doing our job. Check... _

He tossed a quick glance to the left and saw Haer'Dalis make a tight spin, his blades making a defense the likes of which even he would be hard pressed to break through. _The tiefling is doing his part, check..._

The sound of Keldorn grunting and Aerie's spells igniting caught his ear and he could tell without looking that they were continuing their dual fight. _The magic user and her protection are both still in force, so that's good. Check again... what's missing- _

Finally it came to him; the sound of Yoshimo's bow was silent. No longer were the twangs of arrows flying still echoing through the air. For a moment, Khan wondered if someone had gotten to the thief and began to turn quickly and check, but a blur went past him, Khan following its path to see the thief darting towards the ogre mage at the other side of the room. Khan stared in confusion for a moment; Yoshimo must have seen something that needed his attention right away, though it was strange he would not call one of the fighters to move up instead. Perhaps it was a trap that required disarming or maybe he did not have time to ask the others and needed to attack something close up himself...

Suddenly, the sound of Yoshimo's trademark, tourist-attracting yell echoed through the chamber. "HIIYAHH!"

Almost everyone turned to look at the thief; Khan's eyes bulged as he saw what Yoshimo had just struck the ogre mage with... his fist. Rearing back a second time, Yoshimo slugged the ogre mage again... the monster looking down at the thief in bewilderment. Khan cursed as he saw the ogre mage lift up an arm to strike the thief, Yoshimo launching what looked like a poorly designed kick to the ogre mage's side, barely nudging the ogre. Needless to say, Yoshimo quickly found himself on the ground, the ogre mage's blows carrying a far greater punch than his own. Khan expected the man to pull his blade and strike the ogre down... but once more, his fist bounced off the ogre mage's flesh.

Even as the monster prepared to strike Yoshimo again, Khan leapt forward and took the ogre's head off with one swipe of the sword. As that last creature fell, Yoshimo sighed in contentment and then slapped Khan on the back, shaking one hand in pain. "Ah... a fine victory, yes?

"Yoshimo?" Khan said quietly.

"Hmm?"

"What in the blazing Hells was that about?"

"Er... forgive me, but I am not quite sure of your intent." Yoshimo said with a confused frown.

"You do realize you just punched an ogre mage, right?" Khan said, trying to keep his voice controlled.

"Yes." Yoshimo nodded.

"Why?" The way he said it was more a command rather than a question, Khan counting to ten inwardly.

"Because I ran out of arrows in my quiver." Yoshimo shrugged.

Khan's jaw opened, as if to say something... he decided to make that count to twenty. His mouth worked up and down for a few more seconds... he shut it, rubbing his forehead. "Let me get this straight... you ran out of arrows in your quiver in battle, right?"

"Yes."

"And even though you have at least another 1000 arrows in your pack, I am going to assume that you felt you didn't have time to pull them out and restock your quiver. So you didn't use those arrows."

"Correct." Yoshimo nodded.

"And even though you have a magical katana at your side, you felt it would be more prudent to run into the middle of the fray and physically attack our opponents with your fists."

"You understand." Yoshimo grinned.

"Okay... so maybe, I don't know, next time you run out... maybe you could do one of those things I just mentioned!" Khan shouted angrily.

"There's no need to get angry about this." Yoshimo said, slightly miffed. "There is a perfectly good explanation for my actions."

"Which is?" Khan said, seething.

"Nobody told me to use my katana or restock my quiver."

"What?" Khan blinked, disbelieving.

"Nobody told me." he repeated. "How was I supposed to know what you wanted me to do?"

Khan stared at the thief, who shrugged and turned back to the rest of the party... Khan glanced up, thinking of the one with the mouse right now. _Sometimes I really, really hate you, you know that? I really do._


	4. Always Be Prepared

_Always Be Prepared(A Dragon's Thoughts)_

The sound of coins and jewels clinking together provided something of a soothing melody as the great dragon of old, Firkraag the red, slinked across the hoard that comprised his bed. It had been a fun last couple of days for the beast; Khan and his party had fought all the way through his defenses and made it to the presence of Firkraag himself, finally managing to escape with Windspear's daughter and their lives, thanks to the dragon's magnanimous mood at the time. Such fun... he would have to come up with something else to occupy himself in the days to come. Things got fairly quiet around the old castle these days, and there was really only so many times one could count a hoard until it got... predictable.

Firkraag sighed, pulling himself up off his bed and dragging himself over to his customary spot in the great hall he loved to sit and plot in. Resting on his haunches, Firkraag sat back and thought.

_Hmm... I feel like some sport; perhaps I could pit my wolfweres against my trolls? It could be interesting... or perhaps a golem against my orcs. That should prove entertaining, at the very least. Although, I think I really feel like... I really feel like it's drafty, that's what. Did that fool wizard Conster leave my door open again? Must I remind him again? I'm sure he'll dislike the lesson. Heh... that sounds fun, truth be told._

_What? Is that... no, that is the sound of footsteps. More than one set... must not be Conster or my orcs; they wouldn't dare approach without permission. Is it... oh, it is! The Bhaalspawn Khan and his party. I wonder what it is they want. Were it some other fools, my guess would be to either gaze at my magnificence or steal my hoard. Both would earn an equally crispy death, but still. Surely they wouldn't be so foolish as to attack me? No, the Bhaalspawn has more sense that._

_Should I speak first? I could... no. Best let them make the first move. Keep them thinking I don't care about them. If they think that, they'll get impatient and slip what they really want here. Just pretend like they're not there. Play it cool... cool as ice. Ha... they're already unnerving. Look at them, whispering amongst themselves; they must be trying to figure out how to get my attention without seeming desperate. This is such fun._

_Oh, they're moving again. Let's see... just stand still, don't even move. Like a statue, a big, fire breathing statue. Hmm... that's the bounty hunter moving towards me. Sending the 'tricky' one to negotiate, hmm? Heh, a wise move, but predictable. He's not speaking... must be too intimidated. Perhaps I should slouch somewhat? No, best keep up appearances. What's that he's doing? Looks like he's putting something... can't quite see... a trap? Huh... yes, it looks like he just put a trap right in front of me. Odd. I wonder why he would do that. Perhaps he thinks that securing my cave from would be thieves will grant them some goodwill. Pathetic... it will take more than that to earn a taste of Firkraag's hoard!_

_Well, he must have gotten the message. Looks like he's placing a few more of those traps. Good for him, though I think he's forgotten the location of my hoard. It's not around the spot where I'm sitting right now; it's behind me, behind those double doors. Odd placement of those traps, I should think... but perhaps he believes thieves will expect that. Yes, that must be it. Crafty little bounty hunter. Perhaps he might be worthy of some reward... but maybe not. I would just have to recount it again... no. No, just stay cool, and act like you didn't notice a thing. Hah... giving up so easily? The little man is retreating back to his group. Finally he realizes how hard I am to buy! They seem to be whispering among themselves again... what's this? Looks like the druid, cleric, and wizard are summoning some creatures... I wonder what they are? _

_Ah... I see. A Fire Elemental, a Skeleton Warrior, and a... oh, a set of Mountain Bears. I haven't seen any of those for some time... I think I ate the last couple I found. Hmm... perhaps they seek to placate my hunger with these offerings? No... they wouldn't offer a Skeleton Warrior as a meal. Perhaps some form of entertainment? Yes, that must be it... of course! An animal act of some sort... this should be quite fun! _

_Oh, I see they aren't ready just yet. Just stay calm, Firkraag, you'll have your fun soon. I do believe I'm getting somewhat giddy with anticipation! Hmm... casting some more spells... this might take some time. Let's see if I can recognize the spells. Well, the first was a Bless, easy enough to recognize. That was a Chant; both cheap protections, hardly worth my effort to figure out. Something interesting, please!_

_Hmm, haven't heard one of those in a while. A... ah, a Red Fireshield. And a Blue one too. That's a Mirror Image... yes indeed. Oh, I can't quite remember what that one is... it's on the tip of my tongue... Protection from Evil! Ah, and the ever popular Protection from Magic Weapons, and yawn Protection from Fire. I, of course, never need such a spell. Well then, that's a True Sight, that's a Haste, and that's a Defensive Aura. I hope they're done soon- ah, it looks like they've finished. Good, I was getting bored._

_Hmm... this must be more intricate a show than I had thought. It looks like they're all circling me... yes; everyone is taking a position around me. Oh... except the thief and the wizards. They must play an extra special role in this little play. Oh... oh, Khan is moving forward. He's raising his sword... almost like he's going to hit me; this should be most entertaining..._

X X X X X X X

Khan looked down at the dead dragon that lay before the group, decimated with trap, blade, and magic. The entire battle had taken around a minute at most; the summoned creatures hadn't even been unsummoned yet. Minsc grinned widely at Khan as the two warriors looked down at the dead dragon, Khan shaking his head wryly. "The first of our dragon conquests! Let hamsters-"

"And rangers rejoice." Khan finished, chuckling.

"How did you know what I would say?" Minsc asked with a frown.

"Lucky guess." Khan sighed, turning to Mazzy, who was staring at the dragon with a frown. "Something wrong?"

"Nothing, verily, it is a great honor to have performed such a deed... but it seemed odd. Easy... like the beast didn't even realize we were about to attack him."

"What can I say? He was probably waiting for us to talk to him before he'd react...NPC's are stupid that way." Khan shrugged.

"What?"

"Um... nothing. Nothing at all."


	5. Consider It a Learning Experience

_Consider It A Learning Experience (XP Part 1)_

The sheer size of the expanse they stood in was impressive enough; no need to add the fact that the bridge they stood on had no end behind them, and the enormous castle before them was bigger than the whole of Waukeen's Promenade. Which, of course, was where they were supposed to be. And inside a circus tent. Yoshimo chuckled at the irony as they made their way forward, hoping to find some answers to this magical twisting of reality.

Less than halfway over the bridge, a puff of smoke curled up before them, the party immediately preparing for battle; instead of a hostile creature leaping out to rend them limb from limb, a grinning djinni floated there, looking quite pleased. Khan lowered his blade for a moment, sizing up the creature. He actually looked a little different from most genies, with a black top knot and completely blue skin, a gold wrist cuff on each hand. Khan shook off the odd image and stepped forward, toe to toe with the magical being. "Djinni... what goes on here?"

"You are in the realm of Kalah, mortal! Or as I like to call him, Al." The djinni clapped his hands together. "Answer a riddle and I will allow you to pass by."

Khan listened to the djinni speak as the entirety of the party muddled over the riddle he had posed. Princes and princesses, halves and doubles, amounts of years passed by which leads to... "Huh?"

The djinni sighed, but luckily for Khan, Yoshimo stepped forward and said, "I believe at the time specified, the prince will be 30 and the princess 40. Is this correct?"

With a nod, the djinni clapped his hands. "Yes indeed! Well done; Kalah respects those with a quick and agile mind. Feel free to pass... as soon as we finish here."

"Finish here?" Jaheira frowned. "I thought we had to answer one riddle and our passage was granted."

"Well, yes." the djinni shrugged. "But I haven't awarded you your experience points yet. Let's see... the correct answer for the riddle... that looks like... ah! Twenty-five thousand experience! My goodness, they're dishing it out, aren't they?"

"Minsc doesn't understand." the ranger frowned, scratching his head. "Experience?"

The djinni looked confused for a moment, before Khan caught his eye, just gesturing for him to go ahead. The djinni pointed, and the party suddenly found themselves in a large room, surrounded by several different objects and what looked like work stations. "Where are we?" Khan asked.

"Look, 25000 experience is a lot, right?" the djinni said, making sure they followed. "And I rather doubt solving one measly riddle is worth all that. So, I've decided to ensure you get your points' worth. Yoshimo, come with me."

The thief followed the djinni over to a station that was comprised of a table covered in planks and boards, as well as a bucket of what looked like... carpentry tools.

Khan frowned as he glanced through the rest of the room, noting what else there was: a pool of water, complete with a few diving boards at differing heights.

A set of small pieces of paper, some of them twisted into little forms of animals and statues and a little book titled, 'Origami'.

A set of ropes and a set of separate rope that had been tied into several different knots, each one with a little card to describe how to make the various ties.

There were several flowers in different pots along with a larger tray of dirt, set beside a spade and some water pots; a few piles of seeds were laid out as well, each one labeled as to what vegetable they were.

Khan snickered as he watched Yoshimo pick up the carpentry tools with a confused eye, trying to figure out just how to manage whatever directions the djinni had given him. He tentatively placed one board over another, lined it up with a nail and raised a hammer... Khan winced as the djinni floated back, hearing the curses from Yoshimo as he held his thumb in pain.

Minsc was led off to a table where there sat a dozen or so sets of bowls and cooking ware, along with a fire and some pots and cooking ingredients. Minsc picked up the celery stalks and raw carrots, frowning as he hesitantly dropped them into the large stewing pot.

Jaheira reluctantly went to her own table, glancing helplessly down at a lute and some music books there as well. The high screech was enough for everyone to plug their ears as Jaheira plucked the first note, glaring venomously at the retreating djinni, already heading over to Khan. It grinned at the paladin, "Well, let's get you some experience, hmm? How does knitting sound?"

X X X X X X X

The party breathed a sigh of relief as they appeared back on the bridge leading to Kalah's palace, the djinni doing a mental count as he came with them. "Let's see... yes, I think that all adds up to about 25000 points worth of experience. Now you can definitely consider yourselves more experienced! Enjoy everything you've experienced!"

The djinni poofed out, leaving the four party members alone and bewildered. "Boo is afraid to kick evil butts now. Minsc does not want to learn how to cook again... though making tiny hamsters out of paper was good fun."

"Consider yourself lucky; lockpicking will be nearly impossible with the splinters I received learning carpentry." Yoshimo grumbled. "Don't get me started on learning how to farm..."

Yoshimo turned to Jaheira and was about to say something, but the druid snapped at him, cutting him off. "If anybody asks me to play the lute or lets it be known that I can, I will personally kill you. Never mention it. Ever. Or even think of asking me to manicure your nails."

Their paladin leader sighed as he thought about the dozens of knots he'd learned to tie, along with the monotonous 'knit one, pearl two' that was running through his head. Damn genie, and his insistence on hovering there and making sure he learned the proper form. He shuddered at the thought of all the 'experience' points they'd get when they killed their first dragon.

_Author's Post-Script: In case anyone picked up on it... yes, the description of the djinni is a little homage to Aladdin._


	6. All About the Benjamins: or Not

_All About the Benjamins... Or Not(XP Part 2)_

The sun was setting over the city of Athkatla, sending a hint of a yellow over the dingy orange and red brick that composed many of the structures in the city. It made for a fairly pretty sight, or at the very least, prettier than the usual color of the dirty city streets. Still, any sightseeing for this particular group of adventurers was on hold for the moment; their goal was firmly in mind, their path set before them. It had started with the capture of Imoen by the Cowled Wizards, then their subsequent recruitment by the Shadow Thieves.

Twenty thousand gold was their mission, Gaelan Bayle their contact. At first glance it was a princely sum, one which many would never see in their lifetime, though these determined warriors would see it gained in a matter of weeks, if even that long a time. Missions abounded, and wherever trouble reared its head, these noble figures would answer the call. Trolls were defeated, and Keeps were saved. Dragons were slain while damsels were rescued. Even disregarding the payment for so many of these deeds, scavenged and dropped equipment made for some fine profit, the fruits of enemies slain. Magical and enchanted armor, swords, charms, and countless other items with value were identified and sold to various peddlers and shopkeepers, all to raise the money they sought for a final, heroic rescue attempt.

Some called them brave as they swept through Amn, admiring how they faced even the most frightening odds. Some called them devoted, never ceasing in their pursuit of their stolen comrade. Others called them suicidal, considering the danger of the missions they undertook for such gold. Even now, the leader of their party, Khan, Bhaalspawn and paladin, had received a new quest from the town of Trademeet, calling the rest of the party forth to slay the darkness gathering there. Those who followed Khan did not call him any of these things: suicidal, brave, or devoted. They called him something completely different.

"Greedy, isn't he?"

"What?" Aerie asked, slightly confused as she turned to the one who had just spoken as they stalked through the hills towards Trademeet, the bounty hunter Yoshimo.

"I was just commenting on the nature of our fearless leader." Yoshimo remarked. "For someone who espouses such nobility and righteousness... he seems to have quite the passion for gold."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Aerie frowned. "We've gathered a lot of gold, sure... but all of it's for Imoen's rescue. It's not like he's hoarding it-"

"Have you looked through the money bag lately?" Yoshimo interrupted. "I did not mention it, because I assumed Khan knows what he's doing... but we have well over twenty thousand gold."

"I- well, um... maybe he wants to make sure we have enough to support ourselves in an emergency once we pay them the twenty thousand." Aerie mumbled, trying to hide the surprise she felt.

"Ah. Of course... I should have seen this myself." Yoshimo said with a not-so-subtle roll of the eyes. "Surely we will need three hundred thousand gold, should we find ourselves short for inn fares after we pay Gaelan Bayle his money."

The thief nearly laughed as he watched the Avariel's jaw drop, her eyes wide at the number Yoshimo had so easily tossed out. "You- you're... you're joking, right?" she squeaked, still trying to find her voice.

"About what, my dove?" Haer'Dalis' voice wafted into hearing as he sauntered up to the two, placing one arm around the shoulder of his erstwhile girlfriend. "I see the two of you have been conversing rather intently; may I inquire as to the subject at hand?"

"Perhaps we should enlighten our perplexed bard." Yoshimo grinned. "Aerie, care to tell him?"

"Khan... he... three hundred... Three Hundred thousand." she managed, still not quite calm yet.

"Er... forgive me dove, but I did not quite understand. Perhaps you could elaborate again?"

"Khan has filled our gold bag with over Three Hundred Thousand gold pieces." Yoshimo finished, awaiting the expression of the bard. To his disappointment, the tiefling did not show nearly the shock Aerie had done; instead he merely raised one eyebrow and nodded. "Did you hear me, Haer'Dalis? Do you not find it odd we have found so much wealth while Imoen still remains captive, knowing that a sparse fraction of our collected gain would be sufficient payment?"

"Not at all, bloodhound. You suspect our good raven of avarice? Surely his motives stem from something much deeper than mere greed." Haer'Dalis chuckled.

"Hmph." Yoshimo frowned, challenging the bard. "Then what possible reason should we have delayed for so long? Surely Irenicus and Imoen are at the forefront of his mind; why would he delay our confrontation?"

"He is a paladin, after all..." Aerie said, finally having recovered her composure. "Maybe he just can't bear to leave someone unaided when he hears about a need someone has."

"I think not. In fact, I have a good idea as to what stays our vengeance... though I haven't a clue what it means."

"What do you mean?" Aerie asked.

"Our raven mutters to himself; usually when he thinks others are not listening." the bard grinned. "I think he could care less about the gold... from what I have heard, he will not leave these lands until he has acquired all of something he called 'XP'."

Even as the three party members debated the possible meanings of this strange word, Khan stalked onward at the front of the line, mentally considering the coming events. _Let's see... fighting the druids, driving off the djinn at the town, ending the feud between the noble families and encountering Reijek Hidesman again... that's got to be another level up or two._


	7. Word Gets Around

_Word Gets Around(Reputation)_

Khan could not suppress another sigh coming from his mouth as the paladin gazed at the blue, cloudless skies, the sun only partially obscured by the mountain range on the horizon in the first few moments of dawn. Normally a beautiful thing for the group, but fairly normal to see, what with their strange traveling hours. This one however, was definitely appreciated more than normal. It was their first morning above ground since leaving the Underdark; camped about an hour's walk from Athkatla, Khan had risen early enough to see the sunrise, reveling in the beauty that was so nonexistent in the Underdark; the relief of abandoning their dark disguises and finally seeing some peace and quiet from the constant treachery.

No, the Underdark had not been a pleasant journey; the experience in the drow city would have been bad enough, but adding to that was their experiences in a city of Kua-Toa fish men, a hive of beholders, and a city of illithid. Truth be told, it would not have been survivable without the aid of his taint. The Slayer had proven a necessary evil in getting out of several tough situations; he had made the change three times down there; not something he was necessarily proud of, but death had been the alternative. He sighed, clearing his head of such dark thoughts. It was going to be a good day, and he would not ruin it with such depressing memories. Imoen had been returned, they were returning to Athkatla for a time, where it was no small exaggeration to say that most if not all of the populace loved him and the others.

Sure, it may have sounded prideful, but what with stopping the skinner murders, ending the slavery at the Coronet, destroying a beholder cult... word got around. He joined the others as they were waking, the group as a whole traversing the last few miles to Athkatla quickly. Khan smiled as he passed through the entrance archway, nodding to the gate guard... what was his name? Oh yes... Rithlien. "Good to see you, Rithlien; how's the family?" he tossed to the man with a smile.

"Er... fine. Just fine sir... move along now."

Khan frowned as the man refused to meet his eye contact, quickly turning to his fellow guards with hushed whispers. Still, he shrugged it off and after a quick discussion with the others, they headed for the Promenade, hoping to sell some of their excess gear they had scavenged before settling in at the Coronet. Their trek through the city was swift; they were at the sellers and buyers in the Promenade quickly. The group split up, doing what they could with their bartering skills so things would go quicker. Khan had always prided himself on his own particular skills at said bartering; his charisma as a paladin made buying and selling quite profitable for the group.

Eyeing a merchant he had spoken with previously, he put on a broad grin and strode over to the man, his shadow falling over the merchant. The man looked up and flinched at the sight of Khan. "O-oh! I... er, I didn' expect to see you here again, me Lord. Ye haven't been around for a while."

"Can't keep a good adventurer down and all that." he chuckled, hefting the bag of equipment up onto the counter with some effort. "Just thought I'd get rid of some excess gear; I'm sure you're interested, right?"

"Um... well, I suppose so." the merchant said cautiously, peeking into the sack. "I don't... well; I guess I can buy a few things from you. Not too many, though... I would nay want- er, never mind."

"Hmm?" Khan frowned. This was the second person he had met inside the city so far who seemed to be walking on eggshells around him; it couldn't be coincidence, could it? "Is something wrong?"

"Er, no! Nothing at all, why would you think that?" the merchant said hurriedly, almost shrinking away from the Bhaalspawn paladin.

"Because everyone seems like they're afraid of me." he frowned. "Why?"

"Well... it could... maybe... might possibly be because-you-turned-into-a-giant-demon-three-times!" his last sentence all ran together as he ducked under his stand, rapidly crawling away as if expecting to be smote at any second for his words.

Khan, for his part, stood there dumbfounded. How the heck did that merchant know about that? They hadn't been above ground for two days, and nobody had been down there that was up here to witness the Slayer changes, except for his party. Turning to a passerby, he laid one hand on the man's shoulder, only for the poor soul to nearly jump out of his skin. "Ahh! Please don't hurt me, demon-changer!"

"I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to ask you a few questions." Khan said in surprise, the man squirming as he tried to run away. "Stop... stop struggling, I just want to ask-"

He slipped out of Khan's grasp and fled, screaming his head off as he ran. Khan turned to get some answers from somebody else: every merchant, civilian, and possible warm body in the immediate vicinity was gone. Khan slapped his face with his hand; it's not like his reputation could have dropped that much! The rest of the party had finished by then and approached, frowning as they saw Khan. "What's wrong?" Imoen asked.

"Somehow, every single person knows what I did in the Underdark. The Slayer changes, I mean. How is that even possible? What, is there some huge portal somewhere where they can see everything I do all the time?"

"Ah, fear not." Keldorn shook his head. "You reputation is still more than benevolent; you would have to do much more than that to lose the approval of your party."

Khan sighed; it had been shaping up into such a fine day too... an idea popped into his head. No, it wasn't very paladin like, but it would be so much fun. Like Keldorn said, his reputation was still fairly high. And Helm knew his party loved to comment on his reputation whenever it changed-

With a swirl of magic, Khan vanished, replaced by the Slayer. A howl echoed through the Promenade as the Slayer ran around, frightened townsfolk scattering in all directions as the demon chased people here and there, screeching and waving its claws though never striking. He listened intently with a smirk as he made his rounds...

"I approve heartily of the path you have taken; that good has been upheld."

"Now I remember why traveling with you was so much fun."


	8. Lunch Break

_Lunch Break_

"Run!"

The party didn't need to hear Khan yell twice; their situation was dire enough that nobody felt like sticking around. Khan's eyes narrowed as he led them on, his sword raised and at guard in this dreadful place. Danger was all around; if what their erstwhile cellmates and ogre guard had said was true, they could be killed at any moment by the Elder Brain ruling this city. Not that he should have been surprised, he supposed. It was the Underdark; if the drow didn't kill you, the illithid or beholders would.

"They're still coming!" Imoen's alarmed yell spurred them on even faster, Khan sneaking a quick look behind them to spy their pursuers-

The sound of chittering and swirling tentacles preceded the visage of the mammoth umber hulks and the thin yet infinitely more dangerous mind flayers that swarmed down the halls after them, intent on recapturing their gladiatorial prisoners. Khan redoubled his stride, cursing the path that had brought them here. It hadn't been intentional; just an attempt at exploring the dangerous Underdark, hoping to find a way out of this dread place of legend. Two tunnels, one heading east and the other south. Khan snorted; _last time I trust Haer'Dalis to give us directions. Especially considering he's the only one who seems to be enjoying himself._

True enough, the tiefling bard found the chaos of their situation quite enjoyable; the same could not be said for the rest of the party. After escaping their cells and the arena with the aid of the Githyanki, a contingent of umber hulks and illithid had been dispatched to recapture or kill them; despite their attempts at losing them in the turns and twists of the city, their pursuers had done nothing but gain on them. Khan's eyes lit up as he spotted a door at the end of the long hall they were running down; perhaps they might have a chance at this after all-

A cry lit out behind him as Khan's head whipped around, seeing Mazzy take a fall as they went, tumbling along the ground. The monsters at their rear would catch up to her quickly if something wasn't done; Valygar whipped around with surprising speed, darting down and yanking the halfling to her feet and back down the hall, a split second before an umber hulk's claw would have crushed her. The others were already past the doorway, Valygar leapt through, Mazzy right behind him-

Khan slammed the door closed, wiping his forehead with relief. "Nice save, Valygar... almost lost you for a moment, Mazzy."

"That door will scarce hold them for long; we should get moving quickly, good raven." Haer'Dalis said, gesturing towards a set of closed doors on the other side of the room.

"What are you talking about?" Khan frowned. "We finally find someplace safe to rest for a bit, and you want to get moving again? Sorry, but I don't have that kind of energy."

"So how do you intend for us to stop the beasts that will pile through that door in seconds?" Jaheira demanded, her spear leveled in the direction of the door they had just come through.

"Relax, they won't come in. I closed the door."

"Er... maybe I'm alone in this, but I don't know how to lock the door. Do you?" Imoen asked nervously.

"What, you think they'll open the door?" Khan asked, chuckling. "Forget it... just relax." An air of disbelief seemed to fall over the group as Khan took off his pack, sheathed his sword, and then stretched, sitting down with his hands behind his head as he leaned against the wall.

"Too much magic will make a man lose his senses." Valygar frowned, walking over to the relaxed paladin. "Khan... are you certain you feel all right?"

"Well..." Khan said, frowning a bit, "I am a bit hungry. Lunch break!"

X X X X X X X

Six umber hulks and three illithid stood at one end of a closed door. A chittering noise echoed through the chamber; two illithid glanced at each other, then the door. The third made its way over to the door, scratching his head. He looked back over to his fellow mind flayers and shrugged. They looked back at the umber hulks... who were apparently sleeping.

X X X X X X X

Khan sighed in contentment as he finished the last of his meal, scratching his belly. He had proceeded to discard his armor before eating, quite content and relaxed. The only other one who seemed to be just as relaxed was Haer'Dalis, also quite at home after observing Khan's behavior for a few moments. The rest of the party was still obviously on edge, no one really keeping their guard down in case the door beside them blasted open. Still... nothing had happened, despite all logic and sane reasoning. The doors weren't particularly sturdy; surely the umber hulks could have broken them down by now. Or the illithid could have opened them with a touch. But no, they remained, untouched and unharmed.

Jaheira, finally fed up with the tension, turned to Khan to say something... she rolled her eyes in exasperation, seeing the paladin lying against the wall, his mouth moving up and down slowly as he snored. She clutched her spear tighter and walked over, shaking the man awake. "Khan! Wake up, where do you think we are?"

"Jaheira...? Why did you wake me up?"

"Why? Why?" she asked incredulously. "Because we're in a city of the illithid, umber hulks and mind flayers lurk everywhere, and there is a horde ready to tear us limb from limb right behind that door!"

"And I told you before..." Khan sighed, pulling away from her and lying back down. "I closed the door, didn't I?"

She stared at him with unbelieving eyes, about ready to ignore the paladin's protests and drag him to his feet, before Mazzy grabbed Jaheira's arm, sighing with acceptance. "Let the man sleep, Jaheira. He has enough faith in our safety... perhaps we should as well."

Jaheira inwardly disagreed, but tried to calm herself, following the halfling to a small spot in the corner of the room, sitting beside her. "Come Jaheira, the rest of the group has decided to follow Khan's lead; get some rest. We shall need it to escape this place."

Mazzy turned over, leaving Jaheira alone, the only one still awake. She shifted, gathering her spear close to her and slowly began to give in to her exhaustion, though a small part of her could not help but fear and wonder what terror the mind flayers and umber hulks would inflict on them when their guard was down; such a great threat lurking right behind that door...

X X X X X X X

A mind flayer glanced at the umber hulk swaying beside him. Its tentacles chittered for a moment... the umber hulk moved over, settling in beside the door. The illithid nodded in satisfaction, then took the umber hulks place in their little crowd. It glanced at the door again. It shrugged, then went back to standing and thinking.

_I wonder when we can get lunch..._


	9. R & R

_**R & R**_

The ogre roared in fury and pain, trying to raise its mammoth club once more to strike- but too late. The muscles controlling the hand that held the weapon relaxed, and as the club slid from the ogre's hands it made a guttural murmur, finally collapsing before its opponents, lying amidst dozens of similar creatures who had failed in their attempted ambush. The ground almost shook with the impact of the ogre hitting the ground; something many would take pride in, knowing they were able to slay such a mighty beast. For such as these, it was not an uncommon occurrence, but they were not immune to feelings of pride and self-congratulation every now and then. This, however, was not one of those times.

Jaheira was hunched over the ogre's body, one hand clutching her stomach with the other barely holding onto the spear that had felled the ogre; her hair was a mess, her face and body wracked with sweat, blood, and pain. She stumbled back for a moment, letting her trembling arm lay the spear shaft on the ground to support herself. Minsc steadied her for a moment, Jaheira nodding appreciatively despite the barely contained pain in Minsc's face as well. He had not fared well in the onslaught; several gashes and tears in the armor spoke of numerous wounds; he would need support soon enough to stand. All that was disregarding the bloodstained cloth that wrapped up his wrist where his left hand used to be; they had fared mighty poor indeed.

Khan had not said a word since the attack. Perhaps it was a bit of guilt that haunted his conscience for their many injuries; he had not sustained many himself, but the rest had suffered greatly. Aerie could not walk on her own at the moment, forced to lean on Haer'Dalis' shoulder to make any sort of progress in following Khan as he silently lead them out of the canyon pass they had been attacked in. There was no use in going back now; they had been heading for Trademeet, still another dozen miles away, while the De'Arnise Keep was at another three days' march at least. That and the possibility of another ambush in the canyon was unacceptable, they had nowhere to go but forward.

A grunt of pain sounded as Jaheira stumbled, cursing as she picked herself up. Her leg almost gave way again as she put weight on it, but it managed to support her for a few more feet as she hobbled onward. Khan shook his head as he looked back at the party, sighing deeply. He raised one hand, signaling for a halt. The group trudged to a stop, Khan flexing one arm with discomfort as he looked them over. "All right... maybe we should take inventory before we keep moving; get some healing. How many healing potions do we have left?"

"I used all but one in the ambush." Aerie said with a hint of pain as she displayed the small vial with trembling hands.

"Good raven, if I am not mistaken, we have no more to spare; our dove's potion might be the last source of relief for us." Haer'Dalis warned.

Khan nodded, frowning as he turned to Aerie and Jaheira. "How many healing spells do you have left? Enough to get us all to Trademeet, maybe?"

"I had to use all the spells at my disposal just to survive back there." Jaheira half snapped, glaring heavily. "Aerie has little better, I imagine."

"She's right; I don't have anything memorized either." Aerie shook her head. "I think we're stuck with this potion and that's all."

Khan chuckled humorlessly. "Right. One potion for eight half-dead adventurers. We're kind of screwed on this one, huh?"

"Thank you for pointing out the obvious." Jaheira rolled her eyes. "Do you have anything you intend to do about it, or should we all just lie down and die?"

Khan thought for a moment... then nodded. "An excellent idea, actually. Here's a good a place as any."

The party stood in a bit of stunned silence as they watched Khan unroll his pack and begin to set out his sleeping mat. "Um... Khan, I think Jaheira was kidding... I really do need some healing." Imoen said nervously, biting back a yelp as a tingle of pain went down her arm.

"No, I think it's a good idea." Khan shook his head. "We should make camp here tonight. We'll be able to make Trademeet with no problem in the morning."

"You do realize that we're all barely standing right now?" Imoen said helplessly.

"Yes."

"And that most if not all of us are suffering from severe blood loss?" Aerie chimed in, a worried expression on her face.

"Um... yes. Why do you think we're resting?"

"And you also realize that without some healing potions or spells, the chances of us surviving another eight hours are almost impossible?"

"That's why we're not walking, we're sleeping."

"Minsc is missing his left hand! How is sleeping for eight hours going to help that?!" Jaheira protested.

"Fine, fine!" Khan threw his arms up in defeat... then lay down on his cot. "We'll sleep for sixteen hours."

A chorus of groans and cries, protests and the like all echoed back to Khan, but the Bhaalspawn paladin had already covered his head with a pillow, unwilling to listen to any more. The seven remaining adventurers had few choices left; either continue on without their leader, trying to make it to Trademeet without him, or to follow him in his Xan-like choice to simply lie down and die. One by one, each of them finally made their bed, retiring despite their grievous wounds and injuries, each one sure that this was their final night on Faerun.

X X X X X X X

Khan yawned as he blinked twice, pushing himself out of his bed. He flexed his arm again, noting how much better it felt. He grinned widely as he surveyed the seven other people still asleep; glancing over at Minsc, he nodded in satisfaction as the ranger clutched Boo in his left hand, snoring loudly. Looking up at the position of the sun from where it had been at first slumber, he tsked quietly. "Sixteen hours... right. Pfeh, I told her we'd only need eight hours..."


	10. Please and Thank You

_Please and Thank You_

Roars and peals of thunder shook the city of Suldenesselar, shaking the ground in furious magic and power as the inhabitants, both good and evil, ceased their fighting and looked around in wariness and caution, wondering what new devilry had beset the high elven city. Two drow warriors were closing on a heavily wounded elven mage, their blades raised and ready to come down upon the elf's head-

_"Let the city be cleansed..."_

The sound of those deep throated, powerfully indwelt words brought joy to the eyes of the elf and despair to the drow as the guardians of old swirled forth from the mists and consumed the dark warriors, saving the imperiled elf. The same was happening through all of the city, every drow, demon, and construct of Irenicus' design was unmade, brought low by the guardians, unrelenting in their quest to cleanse Suldenesselar of the evil that had plagued it, all except for one structure: the palace itself.

The doors of the elven temple in the center of Suldenesselar burst open, revealing those inside, almost like the myths of legend themselves as they strode from the temple with purpose and fire, ready to face their opponent one final time. The sound of cheers could be heard echoing through the whole city as Suldenesselar's citizens were saved from the onslaught that had been plaguing them for so long; Aerie smiled as she listened to their shouts of joy. "They're safe... all we have left is Irenicus and we'll be through with this ordeal."

"You saved us!"

A shout from a nearby elf caught their attention; Khan strode over to the elven woman, bowing once. "Don't worry, Irenicus will be gone soon enough as well. Still, you should probably get inside... things might still be a bit dangerous around here."

"No, I can handle myself." she said with a smile and a nod. "Here, I run a store of sorts; I have some powerful magical weapons and some potions for sale if you think they will help you against the Exile and his forces."

The party glanced at each other; their time spent in the city had taken quite a toll on their healing potions and arrow stocks. They spent a few minutes asking her about several types of scrolls their mages could use, some healing potions for each one, a few augmentation potions for the fighters in the thick of battle, and even examining a magical weapon or two that exceeded their own by far in standards of quality and power. After some discussion in the party, Khan turned back to the elf and nodded. "We'll take it; where do you have them stored?"

"Oh, they're on me..." she shrugged."I'll get them as soon as you pay up. That's fifteen thousand, four hundred and seventy five gold pieces."

For a brief second, there was nothing but silence. Khan shook his head as though cleaning something out of his ears, and then turned back to her with a hesitant smile. "Okay... wait one second; I must have misheard you, because I could have sworn you said something about fifteen thousand gold."

"Oh yes, you heard right." she said, stiffening a bit. "You do have the money, right?"

Khan turned to Imoen, currently in charge of their gold stores. "Um... I think we used a lot of it when we prepared to fight Bodhi... we're topping out around six hundred."

"Then I'm afraid you'll have to do without." the elf shrugged, folding her arms.

"I don't think you understand..." Khan said. "We're really going to need some of that equipment. We're pretty short on healing potions and the like, so that's kind of mandatory for this battle."

"I understand just fine; you're a group of freeloaders trying to cheat an honest merchant!" she growled. "No gold, no sale!"

"Look... we just saved your city, okay? You know, the whole guardian release thing? What you were so thankful for a minute ago?" Khan pointed out. "Maybe you can cut us a break here?"

"If I gave every adventurer who saved my life a break on prices I'd be out of business!" she shook her head firmly. "Try again when you've got some gold to show me."

"Okay, here." Khan tried again. "How about we buy some healing potions, and you let us borrow the weapons. We're going to need them for Irenicus, and we'll bring them back to you when we're done. Sound okay?"

"Hah! You must think I'm a fool." she sneered. "I'm an elf, okay? I've been around a while, and you can't take me for a ride that easily. No loans here, I can tell you that much!"

"You do realize that if we don't have more powerful weapons and healing, Irenicus may very well kill us all." Khan noted.

"And that if we die, he'll drain the Tree of Life from all it's power." Imoen continued.

"Thus killing every elf in Suldenesselar, including you." Aerie finished.

"Tell it to someone who cares." she snorted.

Khan threw up his hands, waving to the others in disgust. They turned and headed for the palace, though they had gone less than twenty feet before the sound of a demon being chased through the city echoed behind them; they turned just in time to see the Balor killed by one of the guardians... before his body collapsed on top of the store keep elf, killing her. The group looked at each other, shrugged, then headed back to the elf. Searching her body quickly, Aerie frowned as she stood back up. "I didn't find anything on her..."

"Trust me, you won't." Khan rolled his eyes.

"Why not?"

"I've been asking myself that very same question since I killed that merchant back in Beregost in the first game who was ticking me off- ahem. Er... I don't know."

"What?"

"Nothing... nothing at all."


	11. Seven's a Crowd

_Seven's A Crowd_

An unearthly howl pierced the air as the party drew back, the shadow fiend before them crumpling with the exit of Minsc's sword from its ethereal body. It seemed to melt away, spilling through the cracked stone and moss covered rock that formed the walls and floors of this old temple; at one point it might've served to awe and inspire the worshippers of Amaunator, but now it held nothing but death for those who entered. Still, one more of the legion of undead was slain, granting them passage as they continued through the halls of shadow and evil, hoping to find the source of this evil and cleanse it from the Temple and the Umar Hills.

Khan nudged the next door open, the wood almost rotted off the hinges, but it swung open nonetheless and revealed another room of almost complete pitch black, though a pair of cells could barely be made out in the darkness beyond. Khan squinted; motioning at Minsc and Jaheira, the two of them moved in on his left and right while Khan took middle, everyone's senses on full alert as they slipped toward the cells. Aerie and Imoen were close behind, Viconia guarding their rear with mace in hand. Coming up to the cell door, a voice cried out from the darkness, "Strangers! Ho there, if you are a servant of right in any respects, I beg you, release me from this cell!"

"That I am... and I'd not leave a fellow knight in need in such a place as this." Khan declared, fixing his sight on the halfling woman who was gazing up at the party in gratitude as Khan's blade took the door apart. "For that is what you are, by your manner and your equipment piled up over here?"

"Indeed; my deepest thanks. My name is Mazzy Fentan, an adventurer, and servant of righteousness." she said, stepping out of her cell and bowing low, to which Khan respectfully returned a bow.

"Wonderful... another stray with a hero complex." Viconia snorted quietly, to nobody in particular.

Aerie shot Viconia a glare, though Viconia's demeanor didn't move a bit, even as Mazzy slipped her gear and equipment on again. "I came here in search of the evil that had befallen these lands, and with your aid I would continue to do so. Would my company discomfort you in any way?"

Khan looked at her for a moment, looked at the members of his party... did a mental count, "Er... sorry. Can't take you with us. You'll have to find your own way out."

There was dead silence in the room for a moment, as though nobody had quite understood what Khan had said. Mazzy's brow was laced with uncertainty as she spoke once more, "My lord... are you certain I might not prove of some use? If only long enough to leave this wretched place, I think-"

"Nope. Sorry, best get going before the shadows find you, hmm?"

"Khan? I think we need to have a talk." Jaheira growled with an edge to her voice that brooked no argument as she pulled him off to the side along with the rest of the group, leaving a bewildered Mazzy standing alone.

"What is it?" he asked as they finally stopped, out of Mazzy's hearing range.

"What do you think you're doing?" she hissed. "What could possibly possess you to leave the halfling here, in a temple full of shades and evil?! She's a knight, you're a paladin... I should think the differences would be slim."

"You know, Khan... come to think of it, you've been like this for a while." Imoen frowned.

"What are you both talking about... I've been like what for a while?" he protested.

"Exclusive." Jaheira remarked.

"You're imagining things." Khan rebutted. "We've got a fantastic group here."

"Then why won't you let Mazzy come with us?" Aerie asked.

"Well... we did find her in a creepy dungeon, right? Are we sure we can trust she's not a shade trying to ambush us?"

"You know that as a paladin, you should be able to sense evil." Viconia remarked with a smile, obviously enjoying all this.

"Too much residual evil around... can't get a good lock on her." Khan said stubbornly.

"Fine... let's say we believe that." Jaheira snorted. "What about Valygar?"

"He hated magic and had a serious loner complex." Khan shrugged.

"Keldorn?"

"Too old. That and he smelled like the sewer." Khan shook his head.

Jaheira threw up her hands with a curse as Imoen tried to continue and reason with him. "Well... why didn't we let Nalia come?"

"She's a noble. She's too snooty."

"She wasn't that bad... never mind. Cernd was nice enough-"

"Too many nature analogies. That and he turns into a wolf... I certainly don't want fleas in my things."

"Haer'Dalis??"

"Did you want him calling all of us birds the rest of the trip?"

"What about Anomen?"

"Trust me... you wouldn't have liked him. Believe me, I know." Khan said, breathing a sigh of relief as he thought of the priest.

"This is ridiculous! You reject so many good folks and refuse their aid, and yet you let... her, travel with us?" Jaheira finished with a gesture towards Viconia.

"Perhaps I have something that those other surfacers could not offer our fearless leader." Viconia purred as she slinked close to Khan and put one arm around his waist, smirking as Jaheira's fury rose higher.

"Er... she does have a point, Jaheira." Khan shrugged helplessly as he looked at the seductive drow beside him.

"We. Are. Taking. Her. With. Us. Understand?" Jaheira spelled it out for Khan, poking him in the chestplate with each word, finally turning on her heel as Khan finally sighed helplessly.

The paladin went over to the still slightly bewildered halfling and nodded to her. "Sorry about that... a bit of misunderstanding, that's all. Of course you can accompany us out."

"Ah, tis good to hear!" Mazzy exclaimed. "I did not welcome the prospect of facing this temple alone once more."

"I understand completely... this place is not to be taken lightly, or alone for that matter." Khan muttered as he glanced at the other members of his party. _Seven now... damn it._ "Hmm... Minsc! You know how to get back to Athkatla from here, right?"

"Yes... Boo knows the way."

"And you have plenty of healing potions?"

"Well... yes, Minsc does. Why?"

"Umm, I've got some bad news, old friend..."

_Author's Post Script: This little chapter is devoted to Arabellaesque; thanks so much for the idea!_


	12. Mod Squad

_Mod Squad (The End...)_

A glimmer of light shone through the foliage canopy of the forested area they were currently resting in, illuminating the small seat that Khan was resting in, right up againt a tree trunk. The party had just finished visiting Garren Windspear, taking a cut through the Windspear Hills after visiting Trademeet. It was such a nice day and they had traveled so long already, they were ready to make camp for the day, even if sundown was another few hours yet.

Looking around once or twice to ensure nobody else was around, Khan slowly removed a small, leather bound book from his pack, then flipped through to the last few entries he had written, before preparing to add another entry.

_Day 158: Athkatla_

_I guess it's been some time since I've written anything in this journal; I've never been one for writing. But I find myself needing some sort of outlet more and more these days, whenever we're resting or sleeping at an inn, I just need some way of getting my feelings out there. I wish I could talk to the others, but I don't think I can. Not anymore, anyway. I think... well, I guess I'll go ahead and write it. I think I'm going insane._

_It sounds crazy to say it, but I'm starting to believe it... little things, here and there. For instance, just the other day I tried to talk to Minsc, and all he did was stare at me... didn't answer, nothing! Just kept on walking. And walking. The worst part is, it's not just Minsc... it's everyone. Imoen, Aerie, Keldorn... none of them say anything to me, ever! They did for a while, back in the beginning... but not anymore. All they do is follow me. Am I going nuts? In the first few weeks, everyone was quiet, but I assumed it was because of Imoen's loss. Still, they'd banter with each other and me every now and then, but it's all stopped now. I might be crazy._

_I just might be... every time we go questing, I always get the nagging feeling that we've been there before, or done this all at one time or another. Sometimes when we finish a battle, I get the strangest impression that I've fought it before... and lost. Repeatedly. Like as soon as we failed, we started again. Maybe my mind's failing, I don't know. Oops. Time to get moving. Will write more later._

_Day 160: Umar Hills_

_Things haven't improved since my last entry; everyone is still just as quiet and nonresponsive as ever. Perhaps some sort of spell has been cast on them? I don't know... but I've got to do something. I can't let things continue the way they're going now._

_Day 162: Athkatla_

_New turn of events: I helped a small child find his way home; the party responded! Each one said something about being proud of my actions (except for Jaheira, who just mentioned how I should maintain balance). Nothing more after that, but it's a start._

_Day 165: Trademeet_

_Well, my latest efforts have failed. Took Jaheira out for dinner tonight in town. Played a game of chess with Keldorn. Stole something from Imoen. No response by any of them. I feel so alone... so lonely... I wish I knew what was going on. I thought that Jaheira and I, at the very least... well, for a long time we had so many meaningful talks, what with the whole Harper mess, trying to ease her through that... but after that one night when we... well, when I thought that afterward we would be closer than ever, but she hasn't spoken to me since! I'm at my wits end... and I guess there's only one thing left to do. I hate to do it, but... but I have no choice. _

Khan smiled, taking a deep breath. He picked up his writing pen and opened an inkwell, then carefully began brushing in another entry.

_Day 218: Windspear Hills_

_Such a beautiful day; I had to sit down and write a few things. A lot's changed since I wrote-_

"Whatcha doin?"

Khan pulled up from the book, looking up at Imoen who was peering over his shoulder as he slammed the book closed. "Oh, nothing. Just some old journal stuff, that's all."

"Can I see?" Imoen asked, making a grab for the book even as Khan held it away from her. "Not a chance."

Imoen stuck her tongue out at Khan, and then slunk off, undoubtedly plotting to steal it later. Khan breathed a sigh, then grinned broadly. He glanced over at Jaheira as she walked by, leaned over and took her by the hand, pulling the druid into a kiss. Jaheira's initial surprise quickly gave way to enjoyment, though curiosity was still in her eyes when they pulled apart.

"You're in a fine mood... what was that for?"

"No reason." Khan beamed, the druid walking off slowly with a slight smile. The paladin leaned back against the tree he had been nestled against, sighing in contentment. Everyone was talking, his relationship with Jaheira was as good as it had ever been, and there was no shortage of fireside conversations. Khan opened the book once more, then dipped his pen, writing once more.

_-the last entry. Ah, the changes that come about with a Banter Pack and a Flirt Pack installed... _

X X X X X X

Author's Post Script: As the title doth say, this, my dear readers, is the end. Disregarding sudden flashes of game logic quirkiness that can be translated into humor, this is the last breach of the screen; ah, but it had to end some time, didn't it? It's been a fun ride, y'all... hope you've had as much fun reading as I had writing these shorts! A big thanks to anyone who read and especially to those who reviewed! You know who you are; a tip of the hat to ye! With any luck, I'll catch some if not all o' ye later in some new worlds of ff!

Regards,

Capt. Incredible


End file.
